Posted 1:49 p.m. Sunday, April 20, 2025
"The Real Dora the Explorer"--Literacy Narrative
“We’re going to go get ice cream, but Dome can’t get any if she doesn’t speak in English”; I used to hear that a lot when I was little, but there’s a reason why. I was born and raised in Mexico, but the first language that I learned was English, I remember being little and saying phrases like “Mommy on tan mis boots” which is a very weird combination of English and Spanish that I used to use to ask my mom where my boots were. Since I was so confident in my ability to talk in both languages, I started to use them together all the time. In other words, I was the real version of Dora the explorer, using Spanglish to communicate with the world or just as Amy Tan said, “The English that she used with me, which for lack of a better term might be described as broken”, my English and Spanish were both “broken” and combined.
Spanish: started growing up, I realized that most of the other kids my age didn’t talk the same way, they only used Spanish; and kids that age are mean without even realizing that they might be hurting someone else’s feelings, as I started to realize how different the way that I spoke was, so did they, and the bullying started. It probably wasn’t as bad as I remember it to be, but I can say that some of the things they said stuck with me for years and I started to hate speaking in English. I couldn’t bear the thought of people making fun of me or the way that I was speaking so I made a decision. Little Dome decided that the best way to avoid other people’s mean words was to stop speaking in English and just use Spanish, and so I did for almost 12 years.
As the time passed, I stared to blend a little with the kids my age, but I was never quite like them; I was very good in all the English classes we had at school because of my previous experience with the language, and the fact that my mom and sister were always talking in English and I used to love eavesdropping into their conversations. The previous bullying that I had experienced was replaced by “Dome could you help me with the homework?” Or “Dome could you tell me what the teacher said again, I couldn’t understand her.” My little mind was very confused as of why the mean kids had changed their mind and they were now asking me for advice, but I had already decided that I was never going to speak in English again.
My mom used to try to get me to use the language with different methods, somedays she would only speak to me in English, but I was a very smart kid, and I would reply to her in Spanish without hesitation. Other days she would say phrases such as “We’re going to go get candy (or ice cream) but Dome can get any if she doesn’t speak in English”, but I would continue to reply to her in Spanish; that was a hill that I was willing to die on, I was only going to speak in English when it was absolutely necessary. I must admit that I was fighting this war with no other person than myself, and the comments that were still on my mind.
As the years passed nothing changed, I would still refuse to speak in English, but I would catch myself thinking in the language that I despised, and I would get mad at myself because I wasn’t following the rules that I had imposed years before. I guess my mind couldn’t understand the way my heart felt every time I would speak English, the simple action of saying a couple word in English used to make me feel again like that little girl that once got bullied for being different and I hated it.
The year before Covid hit was the hardest year that I’ve lived in almost 20 years, my dad passed away in the beginning of 2019 and I got really depressed, I felt so alone and one of the only people that could make me feel better was my best friend, but then the unthinkable happened. When covid hit my mind changed, I started to fantasize with the idea of moving here, my best friend had moved to the other side of the country, and I would imagine how different my life would be in a completely new country. There was something that would always bring me back to reality, if I moved here, I would have to speak English and I wasn’t sure I was ready for that. But just as I was fighting with my thoughts my mom said to me “would you like to move to the United States.”
A lot of things changed in 2021, we came to the conclusion that we were for sure moving here and I decided to make peace with the language and started to practice a lot just by talking with my mom and sister, this time I was talking back to them in English and not using Spanish as my safe place. I came out of my comfort zone and even took some English classes to practice grammar and spelling. And we moved, the 12th of January of 2022, I was in a completely different place using a language that I had avoided for almost 12 years and a new worry appeared.
This time it wasn’t about people judging me for my use of the English language, but instead, about people making fun of my accent, I was in a position where people could notice how different I was just by the sound of my voice, and the fear came back. But funnily enough, the first person I met in high school was a Dominican guy named Frandy. I was able to use Spanish as my safe place again, I had him and he was able to understand my language and he didn’t care about the way that I sounded. I also realized that he would speak English without worrying about people making comments about his accent which was far more obvious than mine. So, I decided to get a job as a hostess and force myself to talk in English with a lot of people, most of them being from a completely different background than me, and the only comments that I ever got about my accent were from people telling me that they love it; and the fear finally left my mind. And now 2 years after I can say than the war with English and my accent is finally over, I couldn’t be prouder of me. But now when I’m at home, I keep asking my mom “on tan mis boots”, and I’m back to being the real Dora the explorer.